Tom Brady Has Never Tasted the Magic Elixir of Coffee

Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen are alien automatons who were born on Krypton. They have perfect bodies, perfect lives, are as rich as an Abu Dhabi prince and we found out last week that they have the most ridiculous eating habits. Tom Brady has revealed more on Monday to add to the lore of the Brady and Bundchen clan. Brady has never tried coffee. EVER.

During an interview on the Dennis & Callahan podcast, Brady said, “I never had any coffee or anything like that. I just never tried it.” They followed up with a question about his favourite junk food and his answer was, “Probably ice cream or burgers.” That, ladies and gentlemen, is the response of a man who doesn’t care about eating sugar or cholesterol filled delicious awfulness. AKA a person who has never lived a day in their life.

Naturally twitter blew up about this:

I have never had coffee either. Tom Brady ur my bro, bro

— Valerie Loftus (@valerieloftus) January 12, 2016

They’re talking about how Tom Brady doesn’t drink coffee, therefore he is not human.

— Nikki A. Baldwin (@omgnikkimarie) January 12, 2016

Tom Brady says he has never tried coffee. There is something else he hasn’t tried: losing. I see a correlation. Coffee = Losing.

— Cheyenne S. (@chydiddy) January 12, 2016

Who cares if Tom Brady drinks coffee or not….my stepdad doesn’t eat cheese and I don’t see that as a trending topic

— Olivia Opal (@livaopsss) January 12, 2016

Tom Brady doesn’t drink coffee. I knew we had something in common! #teamnocoffee

— Jonathan Marchant (@JBird382) January 12, 2016

Lost all respect for @TomBrady when I heard that he has never had a cup of coffee….

— Luke Curtis (@LCurtiz_13) January 12, 2016

Tom Brady has never tasted coffee even by accident?

— Dheepa Sivakumaran (@DheepaSiva) January 12, 2016

No one should be surprised when Tom Brady gets back in his spaceship with Gisele and flies back to his home planet.
 
 

BLAKE & WYLDE