Bieber-Hart

Absolutely nothing was off limits last night as Comedy Central taped the roast of Justin Bieber (the special will air March 30th on Comedy Central). 

Below is an example of some of the best jokes last night as reported by Entertainment Weekly and Metro.Co.Uk:

 

1.  ‘Justin, you’re so pretty, when inmates see your mug shot, they swipe right.’ – Snoop Dogg

 

2.  ‘A feud with One Direction? That’s like a fight between don’t-care and who-gives-a-s**t.’ – Ludacris

 

3.  ‘Selena Gomez wanted to be here but she’s dating men now. Is it true you dumped her because she grew a mustache before you?’ – Jeff Ross

 

4.  ‘Orlando Bloom took a swing at you; you have a perfume called Girlfriend; you threw eggs at a house — not gangsta.’ – Kevin Hart

 

5.   ‘Selena Gomez had sex with [you]… proving Mexicans will do the disgusting jobs Americans just won’t do.’ – Jeff Ross

 

6.  ‘You have it all, except love, friends, good parents and a Grammy.’ –Chris D’Elia

 

7.    ‘You act so much like a p***y, Ellen [DeGeneres] tried to eat you.’ –Ludacris

 

8.  ‘Sixty million Twitter followers? The only place people will be following you in jail is into the shower.’ – Martha Stewart

 

9.  ‘Justin has the voice of an angel … and the driving skills of Stevie Wonder.’ – Kevin Hart

 

10.   ‘Justin wants to be black so bad he’s actually seen Kevin Hart’s movies in theaters.’ – Ludacris

 

11.  ‘I always encouraged people to stay classy. And what’s more classy than hanging out with Floyd Mayweather.’ – Will Ferrell (as Anchorman’s Ron Burgundy)

 

12.  ‘You have such a huge career … behind you.’ – Jeff Ross

 

13.  ‘You are the King Joffrey of Pop.’ – Jeff Ross

 

14.  “Justin as a father of six you have to straighten up, son. Last year, you were ranked the fifth most-hated person of all time. Kim Jong-Un didn’t rank that low. And he uses your music to torture people.”  – Shaq

 

15. “Justin’s fan are called beliebers because it’s politically incorrect to use the word retards.” – Natasha Legerro

 

Justin also got had a chance to take some shots at them:

 

1.  ‘Kevin Hart is so short, he calls Lil Wayne, Wayne.’

 

2.’ What do you get when you give a teenager $200 million? A bunch of has-beens calling you a lesbian for two hours.’

 

3. ‘Martha Stewart: Thanks for coming. I’ll bet that’s something you don’t’ do much of anymore.’

 

At the end of the roast, Justin took the microphone and gave the last word:

 

“Damn, you guys were brutal, “This was supposed to be a birthday present. When people ask me what I got for my 21st birthday, I’ll tell them I got my dick kicked in.”

He added, “I lost some of my best qualities,” he said, referencing his behavior from the past year or so and adding:

“I’m looking forward to being someone you’re proud of.. You have my word, I will not end up broken, pathetic, bitter, or sitting on someone else’s roast. I’m at a moment of change. This is a new day.”

 

(Image via Kevin Hart’s Instagram)