A Twitter User Tells a Crazy Story of Not Being Able to Vanquish Her Poop on a First Date

We’d hate to ruin the story for, so read away:

I have a story to tell. It is about my poop

— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016

So, yesterday I went on a date with a man who asked me out in the grocery store the other day. All was going well. I went back to his place

— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016

I am a confident, calm and self assured woman…so I felt comfortable popping in his bathroom. This was a mistake. His toilet did not flush

— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016

I am a confident, calm and self assured woman…so I felt comfortable popping in his bathroom. This was a mistake. His toilet did not flush

— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016

Properly. So, of course, like any calm, confident, self assured woman. I panicked. And flushed it a million times, making everything worse

— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016

Properly. So, of course, like any calm, confident, self assured woman. I panicked. And flushed it a million times, making everything worse

— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016

By this point, I was really frantic because I had been in there for too long. There was only one single piece of poop. So in that moment

— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016

Something came over me. And I knew exactly what I had to do. I got toilet paper and removed the one poop from the toilet. Once that was done

— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016

I realized I didn't have a plan. What do I do with it now? I can't fucking leave it there. By this point I was REALLY freaking out because

— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016

I'd DEFINITELY been in there too long. So, again, making another horrible decision. I did the only thing I could think to do. I wrapped it

— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016

In multiple layers of toilet paper, and put it in my purse

— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016

Alright, so now what? We are sitting there on his couch and kissing and all I can think of is the piece of poop in my purse

— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016

Him: you're so beautiful. The moment you smiled at me,u had me
Me: that's really sweet
Me in my head: I have a piece of my poo in my purse

— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016

At this point, I text my sister for advice pic.twitter.com/lMeX55iiH4

— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016

So, after a few hours he used the washroom and I heard it flush. I figured he fixed it. Maybe not, but I have to take the chance. I hAve to

— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016

Try to flush the poop. So I brought my purse up to the washroom. Unwrapped the poop, prayed to every god I know, put it in and flushed

— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016

By the grace of God, it worked. The poo flushed. I was free. I was in the clear. Everything was going to be okay. I survived.I am a survivor

— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016

So that's my story. A man, sat there telling me I'm the most amazing woman he's ever met, not knowing, 10 feet away in my purse, was my poop

— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016

That I'd fished out of his toilet…

— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016

 
And the world got some very important advice in the end:
 

This is v embarrassing for me. But seriously: dont drink coffee before a date, its better to be sleepy than to have to hide poop in ur purse

— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016

 
And from now on, @_blotty will known as the poop girl…

Wow. All of the hard work I put into being a hot girl is tarnished by one teeny tiny poop story. Now I'm just the poop girl

— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) March 22, 2016

 
BLAKE & WYLDE